Snuggling at night was the middle ground we found during our last argument. Not every night but I requested we snuggle a few times a week so we could have physical intimacy. The first night went great and I woke up feeling more bonded and secure.

Last night we tried and she was scared so went to sleep in her room. Even after telling her I'm barely getting morning erections in the morning and that I had no intention of asking her for sex when we woke up.

Feeling like I have to do so much to not get coded as a boy. Change my voice, take out a loan to laser my face, etc. And that no matter what people who knew me as a boy are still going to see my dead name when they see me.

Thought I would shave my crotch since I need to for laser tomorrow. And hoped the shaving would help.

Staring at my penis and testicles for an hour has made everything worse. When I used to shave down there it felt kinda sexy. Right now I just feel like crying.

Topic of this post is the false water cobra, Hydrodynastes gigas. I'll start with some pictures so you can have an idea what they look like
These absolute cuties come from south America, and as their name suggests they live near bodies of water, such as near rivers. They are also huge, growing up to 9 feet long and weighing up to 10 pounds, (3m/4kg), although they are typically around 6ft/5lbs. As you might suspect, they are not actually cobras, and are not elapids like actual cobras are, but in the colubrid family instead. They do not have fixed fangs like cobras or many other venomous snakes do, but have rear "fangs" that fold (I say "fangs" because I believe they are actually enlarged some kind of teeth, but forget the exact explanation). They aren't really dangerous to humans. Even if they envenomate, which they can only do if you let them chew on you, it is very mild and typically only causes swelling for a couple days. As far as I'm aware no one has died from one of these guys.

They are highly intelligent, very fast moving, and have incredible appetites. In the wild they eat almost anything they can, like fish, small mammals and frogs. In captivity a diet of frozen thawed rodents is a typical and complete diet for them. As you saw earlier, they can flatten their necks out to look more intimidating, like real cobras, although this adaptation was evolved separately. A neat little convergent evolution moment.

They are somewhat commonly kept as pets (I say somewhat common, they are available online but I'd be surprised if you found one in a pet store), and have a few neat genetic mutations (morphs) that change their appearance. I really like the "lavender" gene.
No I do not know why he is holding him like that But look at how pretty the he is!

Just to clarify about morphs, this is a random genetic mutation, like albinism. They aren't bred like dogs to make them look this way, and as far as I'm aware this trait doesn't have any effect on the snake, outside of looking neat. Many morphs are found in the wild, just rarely because many of them make camouflage harder.

I need the attention and interaction and affection of my partner, but also I could probably almost be theoretically autosexual, with how much of my internal sexbrain seems to revolve around me instead. I am happy to pleasure my partner, I enjoy it a lot, but also it seems like I am really taking to being hot and enjoying it. My thought processes coalesce around my being a beautiful enby and basically sexualising myself, now that I feel more comfortable and compatible with that sort of thing, in a healthy way. Being sexualised on my own terms, in affirming ways, how I want. I also keep getting more beautiful which is very helpful. Fucking myself would probably be fun now...

I also like involving another person though, it's like Look at me, I am gorgeous, who wouldn't want to gaze upon me, put their hands on me? So while the way this works is probably slightly greedy, it's also easy to integrate a partner into this stuff and like, bask in it. Feels fucking great. I think it takes me a lot to let anyone in sexually--I used to just be incapable, but my wife has been so incredibly sweet and very good to me--so as much as it sounds like disgusting fucking dirty smut I think it's also a very intimate emotional thing.

Despite these utterly dirty thoughts I am still pretty sure I am asexual, or ace-spec at the very least. Maybe demi but I'm not sweating it. I still relate weirdly to sex and will freak out easily at it in any context outside of the bedroom with my wife. Just working out how I relate to sex, which again is wonderful.

I don't know, its embarrassing to even say.

But then it digs its way in and convinces me that my current identity is the result of the intrusive thoughts worming their way in. I am simultaneously completely cis and also significantly more feminine than I thought depending on what mood my OCD is in. It’s maddening.