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I'm here to make this place even more trans
First?
This morning i had a really rough time; i had an earring fall out and the hole is too swollen to put a replacement, some old lady tried to run me off the road because she couldnt stay in her land during a turn, and i forgot to take my pills. All of it accumulated into a scream from deep down. Usually when i scream it feels so "man" and just makes me feel even worse after, but this one felt very feminine rage yelling. Im not sure what was different but it actually felt nice to yell for the first time in forever.
My chud ex-coworker outed another of my ex-coworkers to me and my parents at the restaurant I used to work at. I had to text someone I haven't had contact with in four years to let her know.
Hahaha, having men try to interact with me as a man is so fucking weird! I don't think I'll ever get used to it, even though it's going to keep happening for the rest of my life, because apparently I look like a man, despite being all of 5'0".
Like today a 60-70 year old drunk biker boomer guy at the bar I sometimes go to told me a whole ass story about how he used to get in fights all the time, and I tried my best to respond appropriately, pretending I knew what it was like to get into physical altercations with people, but like, I don't, because I was a girl during prime fighting years, so I have never been anywhere close to being in a physical fight with anyone.
Life is really fucking strange sometimes, you know?
I was a girl during prime fighting years (age 8-14) and it didn’t stop me :)
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body (sad)
deep hatred of having a vagina, fuck that
well anyway
down with cis
down with cis
down with cis
down with cis
down with cis
talking about dysphoria?
Sometimes I'm like, well maybe I'm not trans maybe I just want to shave and lose weight, that doesn't make a person trans? And then I go out in public and I'm like :cri: god damn why don't I look exactly like her.
I feel this.. a lot
:kitty-cri:
:meow-hug:
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I've had two really weird bathroom accidents this past week and I'm starting to wonder how I've made it this far into life without just accidentally losing a limb or something similar. I gouged (literally gouged) my thumb off of a conditioner bottle. Today, I sliced up my elbow by accidentally raking it against a razor. Like...how? Just how? I swear I'm unlucky, but my wives will have you believe that I'm just a klutz 
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sometimes i tell my friends or people on the internet that i'm going to do things to get myself to do them because then i'd feel like a liar if i didn't
that being said, pride in (city) is coming up soon and I'm going to make the very, very bold decision to try and present femme in public for the first time there
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Finally watched I Saw the TV Glow. Sobbed multiple times throughout the movie. I've been wanting to watch a movie, tv show about exactly this for so long; the struggles, the journey, the exploration of one's transness. Go watch it if you haven't already
I really need a haircut, haven't had one in about a decade. There's nothing actually stopping me from getting a haircut, and there are tons of trans-friendly places here to get a haircut within walking distance, and I would probably look pretty adorable with bangs, and it would make it easier for me to wear my cute cosplay wigs without squeezing my brain...
BDD ranting
But I have such bad haircut anxiety. My dysmorphia goes so fucking nuts about my hair that I don't even like my bf touching it. There's nothing wrong with it, I have long pretty hair, but I still get worries that one day I'm just going to magically wake up looking like my dad even though I'm taking basically every medical measure to prevent that.
Anyways I think I'm gonna try and schedule something this weekend and then get really fucking stoned and hope the fun house clown mirror disease doesn't ruin my day.
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My hair is still extremely short, I think I might be balding because the sun reflects off of that shit
Some history I found interesting:
The first “queen of drag” and the first person in the United States to lead a queer resistance group was a formerly enslaved Black man named William Dorsey Swann.
Full Text
The first “queen of drag,” and the first documented person in the U.S. to lead a queer resistance group, was a formerly enslaved Black man named William Dorsey Swann. This is not him.
Welcome back to Yesterqueers! My name’s Amanda and I’m a public historian who talks about queer history on the internet.
This photo that’s attached to most writing about Swann is actually of a female impersonator named Jospeh Brown who was part of the wildly popular vaudeville duo Gregory & Brown that performed at Paris’s Nouveau Cirque in 1902. As far as we known there are no photos of Swann, and we’ll talk about why a little later.
William Dorsey Swann was born William Henry Younker in Washington County, Maryland in 1858 or 1860. He was born enslaved, the 5th of Mary Jane Younker and Jack Swann’s 13 children. The entire family was owned by a woman named Ann Murray, who was also William’s godmother. Although Mary Jane and Jack were Protestants, Murray took it upon herself to make sure that Swann and his siblings were baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church.
By all accounts Swann’s mother worked to create a joyful and loving environment for her children, and after Emancipation Mary Jane and Jack bought a small farm for the family in Washington County. Formerly enslaved children were not usually educated and instead went to work as soon as they were able to help support their families; Swann got his first job as hotel waiter when he was around 8.
Swann moved to Washington DC in 1880 in search of a better-paying job. He quickly found work as a janitor at a Business College, where he also learned to read & write in his spare time. According to Henry and Sara Spencer, the white educators who employed him, Swann sent his relatives “all he could spare from his earnings,” and they described him as “industrious,” “refined,” and “courteous,” with a “sensitive nature.”
Swann created a circle of friends easily and soon began hosting secret gatherings called “drag balls” or just “drags.” The origin of the word drag is a subject of much debate, it might be an evolution of the phrase “grand rag” which is a 18th century term for masquerade balls, it could have originated with a gay British secret language called Polari, or it could have originated with the fact that the long dresses worn by female impersonators in the 19th century dragged across the stage.
Like Swann, many of the attendees at these drags were also formerly enslaved men working low-level jobs in the nation’s capital. According to an article in the Washington Critic in 1887, the attendees “nearly all had on low neck and short sleeve silk dresses, several of them with trains. They all wore corsets, bustles, long hose and slippers, and everything that goes to make a female’s dress complete” These parties had food and drinks and dance competitions.
Swann took the title of “queen” among his friends after being inspired by the Queens of Liberty featured in DC’s annual Emancipation Day parade: Black women in elegant crowns who sat atop elaborate flower covered floats and personified Black freedom. According to scholar Channing Joseph, “Swann is the earliest-documented person to be known as “queen” of a crossdressing ball described by its participants as a “drag.” Holding the title “queen” of the drag—or, more familiarly, “drag queen”—signified that Swann held an honored place in the queer community.”
Swann’s balls likely started around 1882, and by 1887 they’d drawn police attention. On the night of April 12, 1888 a patrolling police officer spotted people who he suspected to be Black men in women’s clothes leaving a carriage and entering a residence on F street. The residence backed up to a hospital, so the officer talked his way into the hospital and spied on the gathering from a third floor window. He had a clear view of “thirty men parading about the room, many of them in women’s clothes” and called in to his station to say that he’d found a “drag.”
Eight more officers arrived in short order and broke down the door at 1114 F Street, or as the newspaper put it “the front door was found to be fastened but opened under a little pressure.” The article in the National Republican went on to say that the Queen, Mr. William Dorsey, “stood in an attitude of royal defiance” wearing a white silk dress with a ten-foot train, white kid gloves past the elbow, and a black wig. The drag was being held to celebrate his 30th birthday. When a police officer reached to arrest him, Swann cried “You is no gentleman!” and fought fiercely – buying enough time for at least half of the attendees to escape by jumping out third story windows to the roof of the first floor below. To quote Channing Joseph again, “in its determination to defy authorities, the group is the earliest- known queer resistance organization.” Eleven men, including Swann, were arrested that night.
Swann was arrested again on January 1, 1896 and charged with “keeping a disorderly house” (aka running a brothel) when in fact he was hosting a drag. He was tried and convicted by January 3 and was sentenced to 300 days in jail. During the trial the judge is quoted as saying “I would like to send you where you would never again see a man’s face and would then like to rid the city of other disreputable persons of the same kind.”
Three months into his bogus sentence, Swann petitioned President Grover Cleveland for a pardon, marking the first time in history that, quoting Joseph again, an “American took specific legal and political steps to defend the queer community’s right to gather without the threat of criminalization, suppression, or police violence.” 30 people signed the petition in support of Swann.
In response, U.S. Attorney A.A. Birney stated “This petition is wholly without merit . . . the prisoner was in fact convicted of the most horrible and disgusting offences known to the law; an offence so disgusting that it is unnamed. His evil example in the community must have been most corrupting.”
Cleveland denied the pardon due to the “character of his offence.”
Swann’s growing reputation made it harder and harder for him to stay in Washington DC, so in 1900 he returned home to Hancock, Maryland. He died in 1925 at the age of 67.
After his death, Hancock officials burned Swann’s house to the ground, destroying any documents or memorabilia that he may have had. But the royal drags he’d started were already spreading to other cities and his impact on our community could not be burned away.
William Dorsey Swann would almost certainly have been lost to history if not for the tenacious work of journalist and queer culture historian Channing Gerard Jospeh. In 2005 he just happened to stumble across an 1888 Washington Post article about the raid on Swann’s birthday party and he followed the breadcrumbs into a secret world of drag balls and queer resistance in Washington DC in the 1880s. His forthcoming book, The House of Swan: Where Slaves Became Queens is due to be published in early 2026 and I for one cannot wait to get my hands on a copy.
That’s it for today! As always, more information, including sources and further reading, is available in the usual place.
Hello everyone, I hope you all have a nice week and happy pride!!! Much love!!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
came out to my brother today: approximately how it went:
"i don't- i don't know how to put this but uhh.. i'm uhh.. i'm trans"
"okay. this reminds me of this one league of legends youtuber i watch. hey look at that bird over there"
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I just finished my first full day of being out at work. It was pretty good, everyone was nice and such. It's interesting, I only contacted my manager and hr, but somehow everyone seemed to know what to call me. Ig some sort of email must have gone out, maybe it's better I can't see it tho lol.
The one big negative is beaurocracy. My name change is still in progress, and having a different name in different places is a big mess. I'm kind of stressed out about it.
Hey guys how did you get through the later phase of your transition where you can no longer suppress your cannibalistic urges? I keep eating people and I don't think this is sustainable anymore, I'm running out
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Signed my new lease and now i'm officially roomies with two queer people. 
Also ended up with a bathroom that actually has a bathtub so I'm definitely gonna try out bath bombs at some point 
I'm starting to realize I'm at that point in my transition where I just straight don't think about it anymore. Sure my body still needs sculpted a bit by the HRT and my beard barely exists still, but I'm more or less happy at this point. Bottom surgery completed and top surgery consultation in a month. I'm not even super unhappy with my breasts either. They're just saggy and lopsided, but at least they look really good in a bra (and get stares >w>). But like...it's nice. Things have really come together and I'm very much looking forward to the future now. Something I didn't do in the past.
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welp. just bit the bullet and bought a fancy ass IPL. hopefully this thing works
in other news, any idea how to start looking for a place to do laser/electrolysis? this body/facial hair shit sucks and i want to get rid of it. does anyone know where to find ones where i don't have to lie about my name/gender?
Helps to ask trans folks in your community about chill electrologists and laser technicians! I also just called ahead or emailed to a few places and asked have you have done hair removal for transgender clients. It’s nerve wracking, for sure, but nice to vet folks before giving your time and money in person.
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Soooooo I’m gonna talk to my therapist on Monday about starting some NB HRT
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struggling, dont read this if you dont like whiny women
As per tradition, Pride month is going like steamed shit for me, but I got friendly compliments on my fit from cis women that are apparently considered to be very good fashion so I decided not to have a crying fit today, yay
i don't feel very feminine, but tomorrow my hair will be just a little longer and i will have been on HRT just one more day. just got to be patient. it's working slowly :)
happy freaking pride month gang. just had the absolute stupidest night yesterday but it was also a lot of fun
Stubbed my toe and accidentally helped like a dog. Guess I'm transitioning to a dog. Already think being called a "bitch" is nice, so I guess that's fine.
I've been on HRT for just over 5 months now.
Pros: It's been amazing, way better than I imagined. So many people said it's not gonna fix everything and things will still be difficult and it's not magic, but it definitely feels like magic to me. I have never in my life felt this happy or good about myself. It feels like things are finally sort of clicking into place.
Cons: Since boymoding makes me feel bad now, but I still have insecurities about going outside as a woman, I usually spend like 90+ minutes to get myself ready even if I'm just going to buy some groceries.
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holy shit I hate bodies, why do they have to be so complicated. theres fucking nerves and blood everywhere i stick my needle
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Our megathread numbers have been dropping.
Could someone phone Soros and tell him to increase the hormones in the water supply?
My social credit score has me locked out until I post 1000 pro-Putin comments.
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this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2024
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