Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
π³οΈββ§οΈ Transmasculine Pride Ring π³οΈββ§οΈ
β¬ οΈ Left π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈβπ Be Crime Do Gay Webring π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈβπ Right β‘οΈ
WE BEAT THE NEWS MEGA
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
First appointment with the clinic is this morning! I'm excited and nervous but I think it will be good. The clinic staff was very good when I scheduled the appointment and I think most of my nerves are thinking I need to come out to a heterocis dr. Justify how I'm queer enough to need hormones.
Which isn't what is happening. The place is staffed with a lot of queer folks. And uses an informed consent model when it comes to hormones.
I threw away about 80% of my wardrobe, I want to go for a more nonbinary wardrobe. Anyone has useful resources and such? For summer weather, I have to add, it's hot here and I feel it limits me quite a lot in this regard as I don't like showing skin that much. Clothes here are very expensive so I was looking to get some stuff over from Temu as I've gotten things from there before. I'm completely garbage at color theory or basic fashion
edit: and fashion advice in general, I always said I go for the practical looks but don't want to look bad
really awful horrifying sexual trauma processing ft Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl
Weirdly, despite the fact I stopped having rejection-sensitivity-fueled breakdowns about A Novels, I find Paul is still giving me psychic damage, maybe more now than before. Not in an obvious way, but to where it fucks with my mental state and makes me wobbly and weird and anxious and worried.
Literally I think what's happening is that, to an extent, some certain depictions of sex acts between men will fucking freak me out. My ex and I were both ostensibly sad little gay boys when we met, so uh there was a lot of that, and a lot of that did not stop when transition started, which is where the trauma mixes in. The only memories I have of "male sexuality" (as in ostensibly being a guy during sex) and the associated terms and acts are horrible and traumatising. I guess it's to the point where when similar things show up in a weirdbook, psychic damage.
This makes sense since I have not really read gay-dude sex before, this is kind of the first time, Paul is a lovely complicated little weird thing. But it's kind of fucking lame and I don't really love the idea that certain kinds of sex just EXISTING will trigger my fucking trauma, that really distresses me. I guess that's reality though? So here's to not reading about dudes having sex I guess...
I hate this, this is terrible, I've been feeling really good about all the sex stuff recently, but I guess it makes sense I would stumble into "damage" at some point. Blegh...
whining about needles
how the FUCK do i get over my fear of needles for injections.
I've been doing this shit for 4 months at this point and I still cannot do it myself (my girlfriend has injected me every time) and today I cried like a fucking child because i was so frustrated i couldn't do my injection because my anxiety was so high.
I hate this but I don't want to do any other form goddamn it.
Maybe i should switch to subcutaneous from intramuscular but i already have like 5 dozen syringes and filter needles.
God this sucks i feel so stupid
Making me work on weekends is transphobia actually
in that gender zone where im like 'but what is a woman then? Gender is just a construct, so what even is this?' then i realize that i didn't fall out of a coconut tree and I exist in the context of all in which I live and what came before me
I have a confession, I don't know any of you lol
I don't read your usernames, I don't even look at your pfps. If I start to recognize you by your pfp and you change it, you're like a new person to me.
I feel like I've repeated myself a few times but that's cause I don't know who I'm talking to. As far as I know, you're a brand new person every time unless we're in replies and even then, if there's a new comment by you and I replied to the new one - I dunno who you are lol. Sorry if I repeated myself to you but I've been doing this for like 4 years and I don't anticipate anything changing
i on the other hand neurotically catalogue each username and my interactions with the user 
i cant stop
Looked in the mirror and noticed that my hair is now at the perfect length 
Parents misgendering me again. 
I donβt have the heart to correct them, Iβm moving out in a few months.
Hopefully the next time they see me they will feel stupid ever having done it.
t4t transbianism is the most pure acts possible
~~besides the constant sex but thats pure too~~
DRUMROLL FOR MY BLOODWORK RESULTS:
Estrogen: Way too high, dosage cut
Testosterone: they forgot to check???
????
Okay chat, maybe I stayed up a little late last night and maybe I played an entire season of stardew valley and maybe I'm really eepy today. Some of the notable events for spring of year 1:
(no decisions have been made yet)I have since spent most of the money, mostly getting a ton of crops. My silly girl brain didn't upgrade my watering can during the final days of spring or use
fertilizer on my 100 blueberries so 
This game is so much better as a girl and every time an npc calls me my name or genders me I get a rush of euphoria.
Good morning, cha--
Anyway there are two wolves inside me, one says "sexcomm NOW!!! sexmega NOW!!!!" and the other says "THE VOLCEL PEOPLE'S VANGUARD ARE ON THE SCENE!!" I did not get any awooga replies shockingly, just some boring fuckin cishets. A comm like that should be defederated though, to stop lemmitors sliding in and making Sexy Sexxers of Sexxit style dumb jokes.
I've barely contributed to this thread today and that's 
anyway, today was a great day
Pharmacy is filling my first estradiol prescription. Going subcutaneous and monotherapy since I don't have fear of needles.
Referral for voice training.
And have a consultation Monday with the laser clinic to start working on the facial hair.
Feeling..
Reading some article, googling a women, oh she's trans, oh she,s my age, oh we came out at the same time, oh she's loved and supported by her community, oh she's been given countless opportunities because of coming out, oh gee, oh no
anyway i might shower for the first time this week, protip dont read the news, do not turn on the television
transgemder.
I managed to get up before the afternoon today for the first time in weeks. it was because i had to for a psych appointment, but still pleased with myself. it wasn't even that hard to get up!
I got prescribed a new antidepressant, escitalopram, at the appointment. i have mixed feelings about antidepressants and have been very wary of them after a couple of negative experiences, but my depression has been so all-encompassing since the start of this year that I feel like I need something. also I wanna go back on prog, I had to stop it because it made my depression and mood swings worse but I'm hoping with the mood stabiliser/antidepressant in the mix it will have a better effect on me. so I'm gonna start taking those two things this week, wish my brain and boobs luck comrades:)
I'm gonna 
and start another training arc
I'm gonna come back with so much self awareness and self acceptance... Or I'm not coming back at all!
Good luck making the number go up, everyone
people constantly go on about the eroticism of food, but when i ask to be referred to as "chef" and have my commands acknowledged with "oui, chef" suddenly i'm the weird one
I just realised that I have not heard someone say my name irl in over a month. And even online its only been in two conversations. Weird how this hurts more now than it used to, although I guess that's to be expected since I've gotten used to actually being out.
Dressposting #2
Today's dress is Henrietta's Victorian Doll OP!
As you can see, this one comes in two lengths, as is pretty normal for lolita brands to do. Of the two I prefer the short, but that's pretty normal for my preference since I like to get a little more leg visible so the socks can get some attention.
The dress itself is lovely of course, the theming is obviously historic so this falls under classic lolita, which means it's exactly my sorta shit since I'm particularly interested in that style. This one is actually quite similar to another, much cheaper dress I already own so I won't get it (+ I'm poor like usual anyways), it's currently on its reservation period if anyone is interested though!
I adore the ruffled skirt of this one, it's so pretty and looks so fun to twirl around in~
God and the bonnet! The lace motif they have here is gorgeous, and it pops so nicely on the dark red version. The lace motifs look phenomenal around the waist too. And it's all tied together with that lovely brooch and bow to draw the eye when you're closer up.
Wtf there's a picture limit? How dare they try to stop me.
slightly nsfw boob talk
My boobs are sensitive enough to the point that it slightly hurts laying on my stomach so that's cool.
Main "problem" is now I need to get actual bras because the bralettes I have are too little to stop the friction on my nipples
Why do I have to deal with such inconveniences as "sleep" and "food". Why can't I just do DIY projects 24/7.
I've been doing some research on top surgery recently, and I'm a little bit worried because my insurance says that it might deny (laundry list of cpt codes that align with gender affirming surgeries) as "cosmetic procedures". Do I have to get a medical diagnosis of some sort? This shit is so confusing, my ADHD is not having a good time.
My partner makes me feel all fuzzy
