I finally got around to watching I Saw the TV Glow and I've been crying for an hour reading the threads about it from a few months ago. I wish this movie had come out 15 years ago, though maybe I would have been too repressed to get it back then (and I definitely couldn't afford any therapy or gender-affirming care back then). I love all of you and I'm so happy this community exists. If I never found my way here I'd still be pretending to be someone that I'm not, shoving all those "problematic" thoughts down. The movie really captured the existential terror of knowing the truth but being unable to accept it, fearful of acknowledging it and giving it power and living a lie for so many years. I'm only out to a small group of people but the crushing weight of existence is starting to ease up now that there are people I feel safe around.
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Please follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct
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Selfies are not permitted for the personal safety of users.
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Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
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Posts about dysphoria/trauma/transphobia should be NSFW tagged for community health purposes.
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Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
WEBRINGS:
Transmasculine Pride Ring
LocalOaf get to sleep with 4 rambunctious kittens running around and a neighbor that somehow goes out on his patio facing my bedroom window to smoke like every half hour through the night and cough loudly challenge: impossible difficulty
When I talk to other autistic comrades, I hope the other neurodiverse people look on in awe and the neurotypicals quake in terror.
FLAG CHECK:
✅Flying the wall up high
❌ not fuckin shipped yet >:(
✅ Flying the wall up high
there will be a big gap in my flag wall for the next two days. bullshit
this one goes out to all the autistic adhd girlies with IBS, much love and respect 🙏
If you're sick with something, even if it's not even bad or a real illness, you're supposed to like lay in bed 24/7 until it goes away right?
I like to go out either very early or late to get a nice walk down by the river once a day, fresh air is nice when you're sick
Yea... wish it was not 99% humidity here
You are also supposed to drink warm beverages I've been told
I have been drinking tea I feel like shit lmao
big same, constantly mixing finnish and english in my head and my nose is collecting all the fucking mucus right now, this sucks still feeling a lot better than I did last saturday though
new girl PJs :)
fit great, look super cute :)))
no pockets :(
do the thing where you put your phone in your bralette :)))))
oh my god this is great
God fucking dammit why is it so cold in here? Would it kill management to turn down the fucking AC in her-
hey wait that means the E is working
Somehow, my apartment sucks up all the heat from every other apartment. It's 14 outside and my apartment is 25°. I haven't turned on the heating once while I've lived here, I've even had to open the door to the balcony in the winter because it'll still get up to 25 even when it's -40 out. If I leave the fans on and every window and the balcony door open all night - I may be treated to a nice and cool 15 lol finally cool enough to wear a comfy sweater inside instead of barely anything.
Changing name talk
I found that I don't particularly care about my name? Like sure it's just a word I'm used to and I might like maybe other names slightly more, but overall I don't care enough to change it as names for me don't really matter. Maybe if I get a more androgynous or femme name I'd enjoy it but so far I'm fine with my assigned at birth one even if I don't identify with AGAB. I know for many trans people name is a big thing, idk why it isn't for me. Perhaps it's the dissociation or something else, no clue
::: spoiler my name experiences
When I was young I started explicitly doing things I wouldnt otherwise do, including change my interests, in order to feel safe emotionally and keep people from hurting me. A huge part of changing my name was recognizing the shell I was operating through, and was being used to modify my behavior. I still carry a lot of those maladaptive coping mechanisms with me, but putting my deadname behind me allowed me to move forward with tearing down that fake person Id constructed. Theres aspects of him that Ill hold on to and use as a shield some times, but he is no longer here, and in a lot of ways "he" was never really a person, just an immitation of a person I was trying to build.
spoiler
I never cared about or for my dead name. People would mispronounce it or misheard the mispronounciation and people would get it wrong all the time. I never once, ever, corrected them. Before I cracked my egg I would've said I just didn't care about it, after transitioning it was nice to pick a name I actually vibed with!
I was looking through names and found one that I thought meant oceans of wrath and that's the one I went with (amongst other reasons). Turns out it doesn't mean "oceans of wrath" even a little, but I do like the idea of it lol
It's not the kind of thing we'll ever have to really countenance, at least our lifetimes, but I do wonder if we should terraform Mars or other moons at all instead of preserve them as they are. The technical feasibility notwithstanding, as purely a matter of what is "right." Also, if we could terraform Mars we should probably focus on re-terraforming Earth lol get those GHG back to pre industrial levels and re-wilding and recreating natural environments.
Not really related at all, but I remember passing by the Colleseum a while ago. They were doing repairs and renovations. And I thought it was so strange that instead of building it back to what it was when it was newer they were preserving it so that it looked like ruins still. Like a facsimile of ruins. But why preserve it at all if you want it to look like ruins? It'll continue to ruin, maybe we should think of it like a grand patina and that one day it will no longer be with us.
Sucks hard that brujeria's frontman just died of a heart attack :(
THAT'S HER OFFICER!
THAT'S THE GIRL WHO DIDN'T DO THE PACHACUTI
Started seeing a transmasc w huge knockers that he likes.
I dont know if im gay or a lesbian or bi or straight or what at this point. Can t4t be straight?
I think it's w/e you wanna call it, and it's not that big a deal
If the couple define it as straight? Like, a trans man and a trans woman, yes. Can also choose to just not, call it "queer" or whatever.
Can t4t be straight?
Yes!
Is it cute or pathetic that I make my gf text me when she arrives at work and gets home?
Adorable and based.
I approve
Cute and I love that for you two.
Its cute, very very cute ^^
Gonna get bottom surgery then install a urinal in my bathroom so I can engage in challenge pissing
I have a (very stupid and silly) dream of having a feminine urinal one day
It'd be curvy looking like Kaminoan furniture, carved out of a big amethyst geode, and have rose gold plating on the fittings and a little projector installed in the base would make a rainbow on the water when you flush it
Yes, this is about as unrealistic as home ownership to install such a thing, but a queer can dream
I touched on this in another thread but wanted to share here.
CW: controversial? Musings on my own personal experience of being trans by happenstance
Unlike most trans people I've met, I am of the belief that I am here now, living life as a stealth trans woman, as a direct result of my environment, not because of some internal gender that was always there. I am convinced that if I wasn't relentlessly bullied, harassed, degraded, beaten, and rejected by my peers as a child (due mostly to racism and homophobia) I would not have even thought to transition. I feel as if I consciously decided to become a woman at my lowest point, 4 years ago, simply as a way to kill the broken, unloved and unlovable husk of a person with no childhood, and no hope for the future and become someone, anyone, else. I dipped my toes in the water of experimenting with my presentation, and I was surprised by how easily I was able to pass, which only fueled my desire to transition solely as a way to save my life, which simply could not have continued as the broken "man" I was. I was on the brink but I saw a way out.
I started doing everything in my power to dress fasionably and femininely, went crazy hard on voice training, researched all I could on DIY hrt and how to source it, in an effort to pass at all costs. It was working shockingly well, and in a few months, long before I had even self identified as a women, I was passing as a women, very consistently, and for the first time in my life, I was able to be okay. I was able to feel confident in myself, express myself, not hate everything about me, because I wasn't me anymore, I wasnt that broken THING I left behind, I could start over, and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. Living this way, passing as a woman while still secretly identifying as a man in my own head, slowly but surely over the course of a year, my internal gender literally changed into that of a woman, and one day, I actually, truly belived it with every fiber of my being, long after the world arround me did. It's funny looking back, and a bit embarrassing, but after all that, 4 years later I am more sure that I am a woman than literally anything else about me, despite my recollection of events, and am positive that transitioning not only saved my life, but finally allowed me to enjoy it. However, I am almost positive that had my childhood been full of love, acceptance, and happiness, I would have never even considered transitioning. It very well could be the case that I am simply rationalizing away my "inherent transness" but that's just my current take on it. Anayws, just felt like I wanted to get that off my chest and maybe hear the thoughts of other trans people on that whole ordeal...
Okay I just read this back like 5 minutes later and I'm completely delusional, I just described what being trans is, lol nevermind
Haha, I'm glad I followed you from the other thread to see this
have you read the Gender Accelerationist Manifesto? https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/vikky-storm-the-gender-accelerationist-manifesto It helped me frame some of the cognitive dissonance I felt in my identity, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts.
Can I ask how it helped you frame things?
Wish passing came that easy to me
My brain is melting, I'm having runny little thoughts
endlessly fun game: staring at my comments in the trans mega and thinking to myself "lmao this dumb bitch thought she was a man less than a year ago"
https://hexbear.net/comment/5402378
it's really fucking funny!